What Could Have Been
by onceuponatime47
Summary: Post 3x16. Barry returns from rescuing Wally from the Speed Force. The appearance of Ronnie and a baby in the Speed Force leads to an important conversation between Caitlin and Julian. Mostly Snowbert with a touch of CaitlinxRonnie
1. Speed Force

Disclaimer: I do not own the Flash or its counterparts.

Star Labs. Post 3x16.

"What did you see, Barry?" HR was merely curious, but his question quieted the room.

Barry opened his mouth to speak but no words could properly describe his experience in the Speed Force. Iris shifted uncomfortably. She threw not so subtle glances of concern at Jesse and Wally over in the corner. She opened her mouth to interrupt. "Maybe Wally shouldn't be here..."

He looked up at his sister from his previously frozen stare at the floor. He said nothing and Jesse stood to guide him out of the room.

Barry watched Wally go, his face stricken with guilt. He looked exhausted, beaten down with loss. Jay had sacrificed himself and the time in the Speed Force had smacked Barry with a much needed sense of reality. He realized everyone else was still waiting for his response and he gauged the room quickly. HR fiddled with his drumsticks earnestly, completely unaware of the tension in the room. Cisco appeared restrained but Barry knew the curiosity was killing him. Joe hardly seemed present, his mind with his son. Iris stood by her father, expression indescribable. Caitlin and Julian stood together off to the side. It only occurred to Barry in that moment that there had been a strange chemistry between them of lately.

"The last time I was in the Speed Force, it came to me as my mom. This time it appeared to me as Eddie Thawne."

Iris' eyes widened and blurred with tears. Joe pulled his daughter into his side. Julian looked at Caitlin with a quizzical stare. "Iris'... ex-fiance. He sacrificed himself to save us. It's complicated." She whispered to him softly, her attention on Barry.

"I saw… what could have been…" Barry murmured, more to himself than to the room. "Caitlin, you were there. Not as the Speed Force. You had a baby… with Ronnie."

The scientist's mouth fell agape. Julian stared at her, obviously lost. "A baby? Why would Caitlin have a child?"  
The room was dead silent and Julian's question went unanswered. Caitlin's struggles with love was a subject often left untouched. Between losing her husband twice and the next man she had feelings for ended up being an evil sadist, Caitlin had been through a lot. "I need some air." Caitlin rushed the words and almost ran from the room.  
"I'll talk to her," Barry said.

"Let me do it." And just like that, Julian was gone, to chase after the girl and thaw her frozen heart.


	2. Caitlin Snow

Disclaimer: I do not own the Flash. This is just for fun. _I didn't want him to be a hero. I wanted him to be my husband._ Who is Caitlin Snow? Caitlin Snow is a widow. Not even 30 years old and she had already lost the person she had chosen to spend the rest of her life with. The person she should have been able to raise a child with. Soulmate. That's what Ronnie was to her. A soulmate. She'd been given a second chance with him. She'd finally been able to say "I do." But she lost that too. Widow. Widow. Widow. She had been given another chance at love. Jay Garrick, or so she'd thought. She watched Zoom drive his hand through his heart, while destroying hers at the same time, only to find out it was all a lie. Zoom had wanted her to love him. But she couldn't love a monster. She had loved the hero in Ronnie, the part of him that got him killed. Caitlin Snow couldn't love a monster, which is exactly what she feared she was becoming. Killer Frost. Without the Flashpoint, she was human. Without Firestorm, she had Ronnie. Without the particle accelerator, she was just a scientist about to get married to the love of her life. 


	3. Time

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Flash.**

 **Sorry for taking so long to update! My life has been super hectic lately.**

He found her slumped against the curved hallway wall. Delicate tears stained her cheeks and her eyes glittered with things left unsaid. Julian said nothing, just sat beside her. They sat there in silence for a couple minutes before she laid her head in his shoulder. Her silent tears soaked through his shirt. He was startled but the warmth of her, the warmth of her tears, her skin, and her breath. It just seemed so contradictory to what she was afraid of becoming. Killer Frost. But here she was, a girl with a broken heart but a girl whose heart and soul radiated with love for everyone around her.

Just as he opened his mouth to finally speak, she broke the silence. "He was my husband."

It was so quiet, not even a whisper, but it felt like a scream to him. "I'm sorry." he murmured.

Caitlin lifted her head off of his shoulder. Her blues eyes turned to him. "He died in the particle accelerator explosion that gave Barry his powers. He was my fiance. But then… he came back. He was one half of Firestorm. I…", her voice shook. She took a breath and continues. "I thought I had been given a second chance. To finally get married and spend my life with the man I loved. But… he sacrificed himself to save us all."

Julian was quiet for a moment. "He was a hero."

Caitlin let out a bitter laugh. "I know," she whispered. "It's why I loved him."

She rested her head on his shoulder once more. "And the baby… in the Speed Force. Were you, were you ever…?"

"No. We were young. In time, I suppose. Ronnie always wanted a daughter. He said if we ever had one she would grow up to be brilliant like me." Caitlin smiled wistfully.

"Caitlin, I'm sorry. I never knew. I would never have…" Julian trailed off.

"Never have kissed me? Julian, it's okay. I thought I could love again when I met a man named Jay, but he turned out to be evil."

Julian cocked an eyebrow and Caitlin chuckled. "Long story." she said. "I loved Ronnie. I still do. I will always love him, he was a part of me. But that doesn't mean I have to close myself off. We all need love to survive. The last thing I want is to have a cold heart. I'm just afraid."

Julian turned to look at her. "So I am. I- I have feelings for you Caitlin. And if you need time, I will wait-"

"No," She interrupted him. "I'm tired of waiting. The one thing I have learned from Barry and Iris… right now is all we have. I want to make the most of the time I have. With you, Julian."

He smiled. "I want that too."

"Good." Caitlin said.

Julian pressed a gentle kiss into her hair and sighed deeply. And so they said there, in an empty hallway in silence, with hearts learning how to feel again.

 **Thanks for taking the time to read my story, it means a lot. :)**


	4. Aftermath

**The finale was so sad! I'm still not over it!**

 **So what do you guys think? Should I try and continue this short piece or just leave it as that? A short piece...**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Flash.**

Through the particle accelerator, she met Barry Allen and helped him save lives. Through Firestorm, Ronnie had saved lives. Through Flashpoint, Caitlin Snow had powers. Powers she could use to save others if only she could learn to control them. Caitlin Snow is a hero, when all she wanted to be was a wife and a scientist. Caitlin Snow is doing the best she can with the cards she's been dealt. And one of those cards is Julian Albert.

 **Thanks for reading! Please RR! :)**


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